SO I’ve come to realize that I really suck at this blogging
thing, but looking back at my older posts I am so happy I took the time to
write down what was going on both in my heart and also in my head :) It is such a great testimony of God’s
faithfulness and provision! I am in awe at His awesomeness!
I am going to attempt to do my best to tell you what has
happened since I posted almost a year ago. John would tell you that there is no such thing as the
Reader’s Digest Version when it comes to me, but I am going to do my best to
give you a rundown of what has been happening with our family.
Last fall is a bit of a blur, but here is what I remember. I was blessed to go to the Philippines for
almost 3 weeks to help keep an eye on things while the director was in Australia
speaking and counseling at an adoption conference. It was such a blessing, but it was also such a test. I found myself feeling very lonely and
having to lean on God in a very different way. Here is my journal from that day…
“Today I was done. I don’t even know why. Nothing really changed. The kids were a bit rough today and
that was frustrating, but it was done before that. For one I think I tried to do too much. Number two I was trying to do things on
my own. Number three I am losing
my love and patience with baby B.
I miss Hayden and Hannah and John.
I think I would do better with another
adult here (not Filipino) because it just isn’t the same. I think today I realized how lonely I
was. I am not depending on
God. He is here and yet I feel
alone. I need to remember –‘I
cannot. God can. I will let Him.’”
I have been separated from my family many times and I have
lived in a whole new place, but here I found myself facing both at the same
time. I was away from John and the
two older kids and during the daytime I was the only “white” person
around. I knew that God was with
me and I had to lean on him multiple times/days as I had to make decisions and
do the best I could. I felt as if
it were one of those moments where I really understood the verse
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient
for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more
gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.’ 2 Corinthians 12:9
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| Ate Cher returns home! |
I remembered that I didn’t have to be perfect, but to trust
God and do my best.
I came to a
point where I had to depend on God to get me through that trip.
And He did.
I am thankful for the grace that he showed me in my negative
heart towards the staff and culture that I was surrounded with.
I actually grew to develop a beautiful
relationship with one of the Ate’s there during that trip.
She was such a gift and I am glad that
God helped me to change my heart from selfishness to selflessness.
One of the most beautiful highlights of that trip was on my
first trip I connected with a sibling group of 3 and really felt that God was
asking me to pray for these children and their future family. While I was there I was told that they
had been matched. After 6 years of
being patient, God supplied their forever family. Not only was it a true moment of beauty, but as it turned
out, their family lives about 5-6 hours north of where John grew up.
4 days after returning home from the Philippines John and I
were whisked off to Oahu Hawaii to represent our church at the Hawaiian Pacific
Baptist Convention. So we left all
3 kids with wonderful friends and left on a jet plane for 7 days in
paradise. It was such a time of
refreshment. I would love to tell you
of all the adventures that we had, but I became sick after arriving in Hawaii
and was pretty much laid up for 3 ½ days!
I’m sure it was the rest I needed after the crazy 3 weeks I had had
before, but nevertheless it was not how I pictured our trip going. Thankfully my sweet husband took
excellent care of me. With the
little bit of time we had left between meetings, fellowship, and worship we
were able to take advantage of some stateside shopping and a couple of
excursions. Either way it was such
a blessing to have that time for just John and I especially with all the
changes that had taken place in the past 11 months. It dawned on me that it was the longest period of time that
John and I have had alone together since we have been married. We returned home and I pretty much
swore off of leaving the kids for a year.
That didn’t happen though.
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Visiting with the fam and
eating at Steak n' Shake! |
Our church has invested in us so much. I cannot begin to
tell you how incredibly blessed we are.
God has given our church the means to be able to fund trips and training
that we would not be able to do on our own.
Those moments of investment have spoken louder than
words.
In February John and I were
off again for 12 days to the states for a Youth Pastor’s and Worker’s
Conference.
It was some of the
best training and fun I had had in a LONG time! We flew into St. Louis and
spent a few days with our family.
Saw snow.
I believe it is
still overrated.
Felt as if I
about froze to death.
Okay.
Slightly exaggerated.
Then we
headed up to Indianapolis, Indiana (that was a first).
It was a great little city packed with
4 days of refreshment that I didn’t even realize I needed.
I found myself sitting in the opening
session lead in worship by Shane and Shane and all of a sudden I was overcome
by the intense weight over the last year that we had had.
We were so blessed over that last year,
but to see how everything had come together in a year was unbelievable by any
means other than God.
Nevertheless
it was hard and draining.
I am
used to serving.
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| At opening ceremonies :) |
Serving is something I love doing almost more than anything
else.
But I had given and given
and given and didn’t realize how dry I had become.
Instead of feeling like my cup was overflowing I found
myself trapped in a barren desert.
And it was in that moment that I let it all go.
The tears. The tough front. The
mask.
I didn’t have to keep it all
together.
I didn’t have to be
“mom”, “Mrs. Gretchen”, “John’s wife”, etc.
I just stood pouring out my heart to God and in those 4 days
I was filled in ways that I can’t even fully explain.
I wish I had journaled, because it was truly a gift that I
will never forget.
I came back
with some great decesions to be better at setting boundries, not letting
other’s expectations have to become my expectations, and to do what God called
me to do.
It was so good.
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John and I at the closing ceremonies!
We were exhausted! |
I feel the need to add that on our way back to visit family
before we flew out, we were blessed with visiting the 3 children that I wrote
about above as they had come home to their forever family just about 5-6 weeks
before. It was such a beautiful sight to see them! Adoption is truly amazing! A
gift! A challenge! And worth every bit of it all!
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| A blessed forever family! |
So we came home.
Had a nice spring.
Finished
up the school year and went right into the summer.
Summer has been both a time of relaxing and busyness.
John, the kids (all 3), and I lead a
team to the Philippines again.
Each
team seems to get better and better.
The stories, the relationships, the growth!
I love it there.
I leave a piece of my heart there every trip.
Sometime I need to spend a whole blogpost about the director.
She is such a gift to
me.
To wrap things up in the last year I have experienced and
grown SO much! Its amazing to look
back and see the many wonderful friends that have surrounded us with caring for
our kids, being a sounding board, supporting us through our highs/lows, and the
countless times they have shown us grace as we continue to learn what it means
to be in ministry and to be a part of this great community. I miss family and friends back
home. Some days are harder than
others, but then I take the time to look back and I see how much I could have
missed and all I can do is say “thank you”. Thank you to a loving Heavenly Father who is not some far
off father, but one who is ever present with me wherever he sends me. Thank you to a church family that continues to surround us with support. Thank you to friends who are faithful and give us a much needed sense of community. Thank you to a family that encourages us and loves us from afar.
